Victim of the Male Loneliness Crisis: your buddy got a girlfriend and you’re happy for him, but now what are you supposed to do on weeknights? Nothing good is on Netflix and scrolling through your Steam library gets old quick. Maybe going to the gym two hours a day, four days a week will fill the void. “Hey, let’s go Wolves!” you say to the front desk guy. That counts as human contact. “Never skip chest day!” to the other bro benching on the same day as you. Two personal interactions today? Killing it. You might not be making progress on the friendship front, but you are getting huge. And that means you’ll be ready for friendship, whenever it comes.
Why would you be mad? Is it because you secretly wish you were his girlfriend? That it should be you kissing and cuddling him? Well you missed your chance pal, time to delete insta and hit the gym.
OR you can be a perimenopausal mom of teenagers and find that the only thing that makes you feel like you got this is pressing more than the guy watching you like he knows better :)
In all seriousness, if I were to advise someone to get into weight training, I would tell them to start off this way:
- Go to the gym once per week! I don't recommend doing more, but definitely not less. (building the habit is key)
- Get an actual gym membership. (make the habit associated with a specific location)
- Limit workouts to 30 minutes. (make it easy on yourself and not a big time commitment. a 30 minute workout means that it takes one hour 15 mins to get to the gym and 15 min to come home)
- Do one movement that involves lifting compound weights. (if you like legs, do squats, if you like working your chest, do bench presses). My recommendation is bench press (keep it simple)
- Do 5 sets.
- Track your progress. Get a journal or app and keep track of progress. Write down weight, # reps, and # sets
The BIGGEST obstacle to weight training is consistency. How do you optimize for consistency? Make your workouts (1) extremely short, (2) once a week, (3) stupidly simple (only one movement)
Do this for a month or two months or three months and see how it feels. If you like it, start adding more movements and lifts, or going more than once per week, or increasing the length of your workouts
"The reason you can do more pull-ups that every one else is because of better leverage, not because you’ve suddenly managed to accumulate enough muscle to make up for your genetic deficiencies."
As someone ~6'4" who works out quite a bit and can't do a pull-up, thank you. I also am pretty puny on the bench press, though if I use a fly machine, which measures torque about the shoulder, I can generally do most of the weight.
You misspelled "genetic superiority." It's the tall people with overworked hearts struggling to pump blood all the way up to their oxygen deprived brains that are deficient.
If their brain can even reach the eyes. A lot of tall people probably look stoned or lethargic because their heart is struggling to pump blood to their brains.
This was pretty hilarious! Thanks, enjoyed the read. Life long weight training, but I dropped out from about 45 to 53 yrs old. Then the wife cheated on me... a LOT!!! I figured welp, first off, gotta' kick some ass (which I didnt, all bragadoccio here!), but secondly, I'm brining "The Bod" back if it kills me cause' this aint' right. So I did. 61 and actually more cut-up than I ever was. Lost 35 pounds of beer weight in the process and havent gained any of the weight back. Motivation! So at least I can thank my wife for something at this point. LOL
That is a good start. But the real question you should ask is, "will this make my legs sore tomorrow?" If not, then add more weight. Life should be a constant state of soreness. I need to go to the gym now
Have kids and wait 12-14 years. Enjoy the early years when you can assert your physical superiority in any number of sports. Use these moments of physical superiority to ignore your declining strength and growing waistline. Go to your child's 6th grade overnight camp and tear your hamstring playing capture the flag. Show up at the next school even and get made fun of mercilessly as you limp around. Wait 6-8 weeks to recover from the injury and head to the gym. Get injured 2 weeks later trying to max out on the deadlift. Read Peter Attia's book Outlive as you recover. Hit the gym after another 6-8 week recovery to reassert your physical supremecy inthe house. Bonus, your spouse will notice the improved physique and you can finally buy those sort of tight golf shirts from vuori or travis matthew without feeling like you need to be wearing a bra.
It's a bummer that so many things in life are basically achieved through insecurity. You're happy and content, want to have a beer or four in the sunshine? Boom, there go your gains. Alas
In Wisconsin south of Madison but not drunk. I'm saving that for my backup plan if I can't get a knowledge Renaissance out! Then the world's going to turn pretty ugly
Victim of the Male Loneliness Crisis: your buddy got a girlfriend and you’re happy for him, but now what are you supposed to do on weeknights? Nothing good is on Netflix and scrolling through your Steam library gets old quick. Maybe going to the gym two hours a day, four days a week will fill the void. “Hey, let’s go Wolves!” you say to the front desk guy. That counts as human contact. “Never skip chest day!” to the other bro benching on the same day as you. Two personal interactions today? Killing it. You might not be making progress on the friendship front, but you are getting huge. And that means you’ll be ready for friendship, whenever it comes.
💯
Become friends with the girlfriend so she will want to hang out with you and not just your friend. Then get introduced to her friends.
Why would anyone be happy for a buddy getting a girlfriend? It’s a fuck or get fucked world
Why would you be mad? Is it because you secretly wish you were his girlfriend? That it should be you kissing and cuddling him? Well you missed your chance pal, time to delete insta and hit the gym.
OR you can be a perimenopausal mom of teenagers and find that the only thing that makes you feel like you got this is pressing more than the guy watching you like he knows better :)
In all seriousness, if I were to advise someone to get into weight training, I would tell them to start off this way:
- Go to the gym once per week! I don't recommend doing more, but definitely not less. (building the habit is key)
- Get an actual gym membership. (make the habit associated with a specific location)
- Limit workouts to 30 minutes. (make it easy on yourself and not a big time commitment. a 30 minute workout means that it takes one hour 15 mins to get to the gym and 15 min to come home)
- Do one movement that involves lifting compound weights. (if you like legs, do squats, if you like working your chest, do bench presses). My recommendation is bench press (keep it simple)
- Do 5 sets.
- Track your progress. Get a journal or app and keep track of progress. Write down weight, # reps, and # sets
The BIGGEST obstacle to weight training is consistency. How do you optimize for consistency? Make your workouts (1) extremely short, (2) once a week, (3) stupidly simple (only one movement)
Do this for a month or two months or three months and see how it feels. If you like it, start adding more movements and lifts, or going more than once per week, or increasing the length of your workouts
Best advice to do anything is do whatever helps ensure you actually do the thing.
"The reason you can do more pull-ups that every one else is because of better leverage, not because you’ve suddenly managed to accumulate enough muscle to make up for your genetic deficiencies."
As someone ~6'4" who works out quite a bit and can't do a pull-up, thank you. I also am pretty puny on the bench press, though if I use a fly machine, which measures torque about the shoulder, I can generally do most of the weight.
I must be honest with myself. My ego must be checked with a reminder that I simply have a short humerus.
I remember this super lanky guy who needed a chest pad used the back row machine. I felt bad that he had to move that weight that long distance.
As a 5’4” farty bald man, I don’t need to move weights that far.
Consistency on doing something daily, even if you've only got 5 minutes. Good habits, no excuses.
How psychologically healthy of you
I'm guilty of the very last one.
Didn't start lifting weights until a health scare. Then thought "yeah, maybe I should take my health seriously."
Now I'm buffed. Not that I wanted to be buffed but I didn't want to die. Buffed is the (healthy) side effect.
You misspelled "genetic superiority." It's the tall people with overworked hearts struggling to pump blood all the way up to their oxygen deprived brains that are deficient.
I tell myself that every time I have to look up at people to meet their eyes
If their brain can even reach the eyes. A lot of tall people probably look stoned or lethargic because their heart is struggling to pump blood to their brains.
Born tall, guess I have to wait to become fat unless someone wants to bully me
You talk about crabs too much.
Nooo not you, it may actually work and I don’t want to have to start waking up earlier
Awww, I was hoping for a two for one special: I bully you and you become fat instantaneously.
Nothing good comes quickly
Is this the virtue ethicist position?
This was pretty hilarious! Thanks, enjoyed the read. Life long weight training, but I dropped out from about 45 to 53 yrs old. Then the wife cheated on me... a LOT!!! I figured welp, first off, gotta' kick some ass (which I didnt, all bragadoccio here!), but secondly, I'm brining "The Bod" back if it kills me cause' this aint' right. So I did. 61 and actually more cut-up than I ever was. Lost 35 pounds of beer weight in the process and havent gained any of the weight back. Motivation! So at least I can thank my wife for something at this point. LOL
I'm sorry that happened to you
That is a good start. But the real question you should ask is, "will this make my legs sore tomorrow?" If not, then add more weight. Life should be a constant state of soreness. I need to go to the gym now
I was the first to like this, and as a short guy with a mid life crisis, it’s totally accurate
There are dozens of us! Dozens!
Your ability to write well makes you completely lovable. Thank you for a good read and an even better smile. (A smile that is still there.) 🍻
Thank you!
Have kids and wait 12-14 years. Enjoy the early years when you can assert your physical superiority in any number of sports. Use these moments of physical superiority to ignore your declining strength and growing waistline. Go to your child's 6th grade overnight camp and tear your hamstring playing capture the flag. Show up at the next school even and get made fun of mercilessly as you limp around. Wait 6-8 weeks to recover from the injury and head to the gym. Get injured 2 weeks later trying to max out on the deadlift. Read Peter Attia's book Outlive as you recover. Hit the gym after another 6-8 week recovery to reassert your physical supremecy inthe house. Bonus, your spouse will notice the improved physique and you can finally buy those sort of tight golf shirts from vuori or travis matthew without feeling like you need to be wearing a bra.
Pickleball is still a shameful embarrassment of a sport.
It’s like calling a corgi a “dog”. That’s not a dog, it’s a fucking football.
Corgis are dogs!
Looks fun to me. Like advanced Ping-Pong.
No. A corgi is a loaf of bread, not a football.
I love corgis
It's a bummer that so many things in life are basically achieved through insecurity. You're happy and content, want to have a beer or four in the sunshine? Boom, there go your gains. Alas
In Wisconsin south of Madison but not drunk. I'm saving that for my backup plan if I can't get a knowledge Renaissance out! Then the world's going to turn pretty ugly